There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
