So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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