I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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