What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
