my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
