white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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