I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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