it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
