Porn is love you can see.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
