I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
