i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
