Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
