i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
