I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
