He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
