3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
