There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
