life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
