No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
