I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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