walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
