woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
