i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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