i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
