Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
