EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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