First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
