Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
