I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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