i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
