I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
