since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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