epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
