...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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