oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
