I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just googled if crying burns calories
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
