Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
