I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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