im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
