i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
