"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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