i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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