tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
