she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
