I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
