Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
