planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
