i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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