Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
