Me too!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
