dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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