There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
