Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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