I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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